heading off to different pastures...

the moving truck has been reserved. half of the logistics are arranged. the days are short until I leave this County...

in the past 12 years, since arriving here, I have left three other times and returned. This comforts me, this IS where I return, regardless. yes, my son's father is here & that is a {legal} reason I will return, but in truth, other than my own "hometown" in Virginia, I can't see us returning "home" anywhere else but here, as long as we get to go back home to either our coastal towns or to the suburbs of my dreams.

my words are wandering, my thoughts clipped & my writing either minced or too rambly

i need focus, again, and soon

1/12/2012 part 2

and then I did the i-Ching in regards to my relationship
I asked "are we moving back to each other?" and and

 45 "Coming Together"
 Thursday, January 12th, 2012 2:15pm PST
 Your Present Hexagram

The power of gathering together is represented by a rally, where the strength of a couple is magnified by the power of their community of extended family and friends. This hexagram may be pointing to an auspicious time for large undertakings. But the guiding force of your shared vision is essential to hold the forces of unity together, and keep them advancing toward common goals and values. Another image for this situation is that of a lake filling with water. Just as the fullness of the lake can bring good fortune to all in its sphere, it can also overflow, leading to calamity. Thus in a time of gathering together, it is essential that precautions against excesses be considered along with efforts to advance along a clearly-charted course. Much of relationship misfortune comes from unexpected events for which we have not prepared; when partnered with others, we are both more powerful and, in some ways, also more vulnerable. Any time of unified coming together is a time of great potential. But the potential can be both positive and negative. Everything is magnified when people unite around a central shared purpose. When a couple unites behind a single goal or strong vision, it is wise to take personal precautions to protect your own highest self-interests, because these can too easily be lost.

First good news from the Universe in a while..I am hopeful again.

1/12/2012

just did the i-ching in regards to a job happening this week, before the next week

24 returning...

There is a turning point that recharges you and eventually brings success. This hexagram is associated with a turning back of long nights towards more light, the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, the seasonal change when our hours of daily light begin to increase again.

This is the beginning of a turnaround; a time of letting go of the old and making way for the new; a time of new beginnings. Ironically, it all starts with rest.

Don't move too fast. The new momentum is just beginning; the turn-around demands that your energy be recharged by adequate rest, so that your life force will not be spent prematurely.

This principle of hibernation, of allowing energy to renew itself and be strengthened by rest applies to many situations — recuperation after an illness, the slow return of trust after period of estrangement, the careful development of new relationships after a splitting apart of old ones.

Kale, by the way, many ways...

We've been eating Kale.

And turnips, rutabagas, more peppers, 'nut squash, spinach, etc etc etc.

It sorta began when we were both fighting off a cold & I wanted to make us some chicken soup from scratch. Remembering fondly, turnips in the chickie soups of my youth, I asked for one to be bought with the ingredients. Somehow there was a half leftover - it was HUGE turnip.

I went to my go-to guys, at Food Network and found a recipe for turnips & something, who knows. What I do know is we had mashed turnips one night, sauteed turnips with broccoli another night and there was some turnip/rutabaga/broccoli "au gratin" another night.

Not too long after the addition of turnips & rutabagas, we saw Dr Wahls' TEDtalk & kale became our new ingredient in the kitchen. So far my fav recipe has been this yummy lasagna which we ate for a week. Kale made it's way into my Special Brunch for Christmas. Tonight,  I opened some cans of organic black bean soup, caramelized some garlic, onions & three huge leaves of kale and added the leftover cup or two of brown Spanish rice. I will be topping the bowls with the leftover Bison roast we had for Christmas Day dinner as taquitos.

Everywhere I looked, the folks raved about kale chips & shakes. I finally (as in 10 minutes ago) made my first batch of kale chips. Lighter than air, they are almost non-existent and they are kinda sweet in an odd way. I very very lightly salted the batch I made. I saved one big leaf for the trail kale shake experiment I have in mind for breakfast tomorrow.

The only recipe I have tried during this slow transition to eating more of the Wahls Way was a new take on butternut squash soup. But I was the only one who did not like the addition of the persimmons, so it was a success.

In my searching for more kale recipes and more info, I found a blog "dedicated" to kale. I think I have to try her kale hummus very soon & the pesto is just looking like it needs to be a staple here. While the goal IS 365 days of kale in our diet, I wonder how long it will take before that is a fact. I will keep you updated.

working; title, mother, not

Job seeking, hunting, looking is all too wearying.
I release "looking" & manifest "finding."
So, I AM finding a job, goldangit.

Next year, next year is just around the corner. It will be better, it will be different, it will be.

Every day is the same so I must be insane; I search the same job boards, email the same copied & pasted introductory email, attach the same resume, wait for the same non-replies.

I am thinking of how to go about this in a NEW manner & I am not that clever this year. I do not think of the statistics though they mentioned them in church the other Sunday. If I suddenly had some new skill set or qualifications, but see that is the thing; I do not.

I have been more proactive in seeking out elder care positions after my stint with my grandfather. I have sent all sorts of replies to all sorts of unusual ads - there was the muse position, the mad scientist looking for an assistant (last time I answered an ad like that I had a wonderful relationship), hell even one for a "sugar baby" just to see what he'd say. LOL                                                       no seriously.

Today I am tired. The Holidays, as they were, were good. The minimal emotional distress was had on my part. the minimal tears shed - mainly reserved this year for any of the various church events with the music of the season to allow myself to cry over. But, sigh, there are changes going on in my body. I have been marking them on a calendar & a new pattern has evolved. Nice, really. I just want the whole process completed. It's the limbo, in-between-ness of Life which wears on my soul & body AND mind.

We are still in between living accommodations. the Morning Glory Cottage is packed up, no one is staying there. the new place is just now ready & Saturday is supposed to be a move in date. Limbo, limbo...no fun-bo.


My body aches with new pains I was blessed to avoid in my earlier years.  There are supplements in the cupboard & in my system now.

On the good news front - there are also many new greens, colours & healthier foods in my system, too. I have been eating kale, turnips, rutabagas, carrots, peppers, squash, etc etc etc. And I will keep transitioning to more, more goodness in to my body, in my life.

Next year - doncha know the answer is 42?

Ever Juggling

Single mothers face many challenges. We hope we can make the best decisions for ourselves & our children in how we budget everything; our time, our money, our limited resources. And we don’t always have as much control over some of those resources. We can have court ordered child support and still not be able to count on that when doing our financial budgets. And as fellow American citizens know, there are variables in the current economic environment which can adversely affect us through no fault or lack of planning of ours. For example, working Americans have had hours & paychecks cut due the Depression in this country. And renters can be affected by their landlord’s lack of financial responsibility.


So begins my first Hip Mama Radio podcast. It's about G+, Secret Santas & da Mamas. It is also about more juggling as a single mama. I mentioned that even when you are a single mama with a boyfriend, you are STILL a single parent, a single person in many, many ways. Hence my kiddo & I renting a room with/ from another mama when we leave the Morning Glory Cottage. The bright side is another go at the Mommune, even if it's just 2 Mamas & their kiddos. The down side, I am still living on my own. Which is also an upside, but ya know what I mean.


Now if I were living with someone and we got this same 30 day notice we'd be moving together to a new place. Well, one would hope. I am reminded of a few years ago when the boyfriend who had moved in with me & my kids to our townhouse when he needed to move from where he was renting a room. When the going got rough there financially and then when the lease was up all he could talk about was getting his own place.  Hindsight what it is I should have let him. The point is that even then, we were a couple, living together but when it came to us needing to find a place together he was ready to do his thing and leave me, the single mother to fend for myself & my kids.


One day, I would like to be sharing a home with a partner, raising kids together and be done with this heavy designation of being a single mother.

being a single mother
 - recent discussion among da mamas ended with statement about how we can often NOT be single women (ie dating or even living with someone who ain't da babay daddy) AND still be single mamas.

It's true. Somewhere in all this freedom and what-not, we allowed ourselves to date as single mothers, live with men as single mothers, be involved in nearly every aspect of a partner's life but still "maintain" single parent status unless there is a marriage. I, for one, am not down with this.

With my son's father, he had other older children, and we never married. I was never his sons' step-mother (a fact which confuses my 8 year old) nor was he a co-parent to my children, even when Eldest Daughter lived with us for the entirety of High School. He just left all the parenting, of our son as well, up to me. While I could be flattered if it had been out of deference to me being a far better parent, it was out of laziness, selfishness, cluelessness & seriously bad parenting (of my ex & by my ex).

With the fax my single motherhood was all about control; his of me. He used my son as a pawn, trying to manipulate me by what he would or would not do for my son. There was the ugly business of refusing to continue to take my son to school after the mid-year point. There was him trying to force me to choose between the two of them. I ALWAYS placed my son above him, no matter the odds he stacked against us. He only tried to be a "step-parent" when it suited some ulterior motive. He was angry, defensive and combative regarding me maintaining a civil relationship with my son's father. His jealousy & insistence that my ex was always working to get me back were his "reasons" why I should be a bitch {against my character} to the man who had fathered my son, who had visitation with my son and whose child support my then boyfriend would demand from me.

Even the healthier, more positive relationships I have had since "attaining" single motherhood status usually had well defined boundaries between our couple-ness & my Mama-ness, too. Even the 1 1/2 years of living with the geologist, though to his credit he was sincere in his offers to have my children live with us. And he never once complained about driving to pick them up for visits or for staying home with them when they were with us & I had work. He was good, but he was rare. Even the other photographer who was perfect with both the teens & the Little Dude, he said he didn't do families. His words & his actions didn't match up, but I have learned of someone tells you they are something listen. He was never going to be interested in moving the relationship to being a family, even if he was an amazing partner.

I had always thought that perhaps the best we single mamas should be looking for would be found in a single father who actually was involved in parenting his own children, not a Sunday Dad. But I had never found one - there had been a very very brief moment with one. His kids & my kid hit it off so well my kid had cried when the family date was over because he wanted to stay with them. I had, too, but the holidays had been right around the corner and he had ended up getting back together with his ex.

Recently, there had been a Mama discussion about what we wanted in a partner and I had spelled it all out. The Universe decided that it was finally time & I met Mr Right a few days later. Guess what? He's a single father of two daughters.We just spent our first day with Little Dude and I was happier than I could have ever imagined. I was not alone in being a parent. There were two parents reminding my son to use full sentences and ask please for his lemonade. There were two parents explaining the rules and what was acceptable. There were two parents requiring a verbal acknowledgments when talking to the child. There was my partner backing me up when the behaviour had not been acceptable and there had been a consequence. There was a partner respecting my son, as well as me. There were two parents. And there were two adults in love. There was a family. I had finally crossed that seemingly unattainable Finish Line to being both not a single woman and not a single mama.